Breaking up with my besties: Fear and Anxiety

This post was about 3 months in the making. I have been in a slum, haven’t been wanting to write and I really did not want to discuss fear and anxiety.

Subconsciously it means acknowledging that I struggle with those and having to go to my Goliath to knock him down. I do believe that the Lord delivered me from the fear and anxieties I had in my current life season 2 ½ years ago. These are new ones though.

This new batch of worries has become a bad best friends. Ones that have been hard to break up with so to speak. I don’t like them but can’t seem to shake them off some days. In July is when I started to realize the relationships had gone toxic and was feeling the strain physically.

A bible verse my parents drove home to me as a child was 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power love and of a sound mind.” This is definitely a verse I think on often as I’ve grown into an adult.

On peaceful days this summer I felt nagging in my soul that would not leave me alone. Thus, peace felt fake. I was ignoring issues and I am certain this only exasperates them. None the less, I wasn’t feeling balanced nor was I feeling very “in control.” I knew I was reaching my max with these toxic besties. I felt pressure in my neck building and before too long, on nearly a daily basis – it felt like I was being choked. Other than the Lord giving me the discernment to recognize fear and anxiety I have no other explanation as to why I put “two and two together” to determine this was this problem. But it was.

To be completely transparent, I’ve been worried about my physical health, situations that are out of my control, the how’s, burning out quickly at work, the why’s and people in my life that I care about deeply who are still growing but haven’t reached maturity to see what the truths are.

I’ve come to learn that fear and anxiety are two things that can make me personally feel shame. And that shame is what prevents me from wanting to talk about things. I feel as though, I am a strong God loving woman who has done many hard things. I should be able to tackle all of this, with no problem. It’s a hard season, so what. I’ve got this, right? And then when I don’t, and I fail or I allow my worries to overcome me, I want to shut down and shut the world off. I don’t want to talk about how I feel because I feel shame and feel embarrassed.

To trace this backwards – and this is also something I go further into with my book. There are emotions on the surface but we have to be able and have the want to trace it back to the root emotion. And yes, sometimes when we discover the root emotion there could be a wounded childhood you that has been trying to get your attention because that part of you needs to heal.

Here are my examples to show you what I mean. I hope that by being transparent with you, in your quiet time today you’ll be able to be vulnerable with the Lord and yourself to find your root emotions.

When I feel embarrassed about having worries, it causes me to feel anxious. The root of this is being scared. I feel scared I’m not enough, I’ll drop the ball, that God or anyone is really going to take care of me. I’ve recognized this is my thought pattern when I’m overwhelmed with worry and fear.

By recognizing these things, you are also able to turn your toxic besties into your healing. But you have to call it out first. You have a real enemy of your soul that wants to come and destroy you.

His sole purpose is to get you to forfeit YOUR SOUL PURPOSE!!

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full. You are not meant to be defeated. A beautiful thing about this world we live in, despite the crazy is that we have so many resources to help us reach healthy states. We have the bible, counselors, pastors, online resources, podcasts etc.

I absolutely love Brene Brown’s work. I have read so much of her research, and I have dug in deep within my counseling sessions to sift through the junk. I recognized it was keeping me in a wounded state, even under the surface still.

She has a Shame Resilience Theory that states:

• Capacity to recognize our experiences of shame

• Ability to move through shame constructively, maintaining our authenticity and growing from our experiences

• Stronger, more meaningful connections with people in our lives

As her research progresses later on, she says, “Empathy is a hostile environment for shame – an environment it can’t survive in, because shame needs you to believe you’re alone and it’s just you.”

You’re now YOU - needs you to do the work to heal. So does your partner, your kids, your legacy, your job and the wounded kiddo from years ago does too.

I pray for your healing. I pray for the waves of hope to overcome you in such a way that you will be unrecognizable to those around you because of the confident power from the Lord you are walking in. You’ve got this dear reader.

Break up with the toxic besties fear and anxiety and don’t look back.

-Jamie

References:

Shame Resilience Theory: Advice From Brené Brown (positivepsychology.com)

Dare to lead: Brave Work by Brene Brown