Healing from Egypt
I have been asked on occasion the following but it sparked a fire to further the explanation on this platform.
“How in the world did you do it? How do you function on the levels that you do, accomplish all that you have and still manage to seem as though you haven’t lost yourself in the process?”
For starters, the only way I have managed any kind of healing in my life has been because the Lord has walked by my side every step of the way and I have leaned into Him for everything. He is the one who has given me insight for what was needed and necessary during different seasons of my life. From there it was up to me to take the initiative to do the hard work.
That work being, counseling, inner healing work, more counseling, self-care, unloading responsibilities, and yes you guessed it … more counseling.
Look, this was and still is a hard process. You don’t see the mess, you don’t see the breaking that happened, you didn’t see the tears at 2 AM when everything went wrong. But you have to sit with the pain in order to turn it into the promise!
To back up, I had a very traditionalist mindset of how things were going to go in my life. There was no wiggle room, blending of colors or deleting pages from the “Jamie Book.” In reality this meant, I was a perfectionist and did not want to give the Lord my “book” to edit, rip out or re-write my story as He would see fit.
One of the very first things I started doing in counseling was actually not “marriage counseling” at all. It was counseling for me. I had lost myself so much that I was not functioning in confidence or peace. I was actually functioning out of religion, fear, anxiety and trauma. However, I didn’t know this when I started.
The more we dug into reasons why I did things certain ways, then we could back up to the roots of them. I cannot tell you how many times I sat in my truck crying all of my makeup off during my counseling sessions.
I went through a weekly program to help me understand my struggles, where things in my life had come from which enabled my ego behaviors. I learned what my limiting beliefs were, otherwise known as my traditionalist mindsets. Next, I reached into what my emotional needs were, how I needed them to be re-affirmed to me in my close relationships.
I also learned the hardest word in the dictionary: boundaries. This also included how much I struggled holding them because I wanted to believe everyone in my life was an honest, wholesome, God-fearing person. I was the “catchall” person for many people in my life which left me depleted. I didn’t believe I was worthy of having time to myself or was worthy of being respected in any way either.
I had to have very difficult conversations with people including myself.
After a year of healing, it was time for me to forgive myself. I didn’t even realize I needed to do this but there was a warm peace that ran over me when I did. I forgave myself for:
· Overworking
· Having high expectations
· Trying to always get things right
· Being too hard on myself
· Feeling ashamed of my childhood
· Not sticking up for myself more as an adult
· Not saying what was in my heart and just complying with others wants and desires.
· Not having stronger boundaries
To this day, I still seek counsel about certain things. I believe there is wisdom in healing the hurt child in you so that you can be healthiest version of you now and in the future. There are too many people that depend on me, so if this is one thing I can do, then I’m going to continue.
The Lord is not going to deliver you from your Egypt just to put you back in it. We serve a merciful God not a cruel one.
When are you going to see you are worthy of good things? That you are worthy of deliverance? That your Saviour has declared you are a chosen and royal priesthood? You are not a slave to your past, your brokenness, your finances or any other person including yourself that has told you - you are never getting out of your Egypt.
Keep pursuing in faith to your promised land sweet reader, your story isn’t over yet!! There will be joy in the morning!!
