Abuse is not love.

Abuse is not love.

(Please note if this is a triggering topic for you – then I encourage you to pray about your heart receiving these words below. If it is too much for you to handle – I know for me it can be at times, then please recognize your triggers and do not move forward in reading.)

There are also other things that constitute as abuse other than the standard physical domestic violences.

It encompasses all of the following:

• Physical:

  • Hitting, slapping, hair pulling, roughness, physical punishment, burning, misuse of medication, restraint

• Emotional / Psychological:

  • Causing you harm and then telling you it didn’t happen. Telling you that you remembered the situation wrong. Telling others or your children you remembered an event wrong as to protect their image they want to keep. Telling you you’re crazy. Training you like a dog to come at the drop of a whistle for you to run to them and then getting in “trouble” when you didn’t. Failure to respect privacy. Removing

• Spiritual:

  • Misuse of the bible in telling you it’s biblical to submit. Portraying a spiritual attitude to the public but displaying abusive actions at home.

• Financial / Material:

  • Leaving money for jobs for the home and the money not getting to the people. Money missing in the account with no explanation. Getting less that what is needed for a home to run and having to work other jobs to make ends meet. Scamming you or others. Misuse of personal funds to spend on oneself while your family/home suffers.

• Sexual (Within a marriage or ANY relationship):

  • Rape including marital rape (if the other party was told NO or STOP regardless of if the couple is married – this is still NOT ok.), unwanted touch, indecent exposure etc.

• Neglect:

  • Not getting what you need from your spouse at the bare minimum level and feeling like you have to beg for it.

This is not a complete comprehensive list – however if you are reading this and have been wondering if your situation is one that falls within one of these categories – this is your confirmation that YES it does!!

In my younger naive years, I had no idea there were so many categories. I thought it ended at violent physical domestic violence. My eyes were open to the other categories as were other women the Lord is bringing into my life to encourage.

Ladies – and yes sometimes men – YOU are worthy of good things. Second, just because you are in a marriage/relationship does NOT mean that was ordained by the Lord or that you are in a covenant marriage. We as people put a lot of things together and say, “this is from him” but a dead tree doesn’t produce fruit. Even the demons themselves believe in the Lord as does a spouse that says they’ll marry you. This does NOT mean you are equally yoked or in a Godly covenant marriage.

The bible is clear in regards to how a husband is supposed to love his wife.

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church. He gave up his life for her.” Ephesians 5:25

It is also very clear on what love is.

“4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Meaning, if your spouse or future spouse is not loving you in accordance to this verse, please rethink the relationship. I also urge you to look at the fruit of the relationship. Is producing any at all? If it is, then you will feel calmness, freedom, safety, love, kindness, warmth, felt taken care of, listened to and so many more wonderful things.

However, if it is not producing life giving fruit you will know. You will also feel it in your body. You’ll feel tired, feel like you’re in fight or flight mode all the time, you’ll feel chaos, uncomfortableness, anxiety or unsafe. Your body may even develop ulcers, cancers, or other ailments because it doesn’t know what to do to feel safe anymore. Even your body may feel this chaos. This is a very small list and you may experience other things as well.

My point is this – God is the author of good and wholesome things. And YOU are worthy of those!!

Do NOT let a partner, other things, your traditional mindset, or a religious establishment tell you to “pray more, do more” and it will get better. They do not see the evil that you have and are experiencing. Sometimes you may feel like it’s only you and the Lord that do.

Have hope.

Please seek a safe haven if you are in an unsafe situation.

Please seek your healing too. You’re worthy of this also.

I pray whatever you are up against that the Lord would make clear to you - your way out. That He will be a lamp unto your feet and I pray that the abuser would be so tied up in whatever their MO is – that it would be an opportunity for you to seek your refuge to escape. In Jesus name. Amen!!