The horse broke
Psalms 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
There was a whirlwind of emotions in the house from the weekend and things that are going on in our personal lives. Resentment from my oldest about a situation at hand is what it boiled down to. She’s young still and doesn’t quite understand the full capacity of what a mom must decide sometimes.
Decisions that were made were for the betterment and health of all parties involved. Simply put – she’s not happy and is pushing back. The resentment from her and the heartbreak I feel is a lot right now. Never in my life did I think I’d feel so disappointed in her actions and words towards me. I just felt stuck because I know the things I’ve done are for her best interest but she just can’t see it yet. So, there’s the push back in the midst of puberty.
And I really freaking hate it.
On top of the living room dresser there lives a small horse statue given to me by my aunt years ago. We were trying to get out of the door Tuesday morning for school. She grabbed a bag which accidently caught onto the horse and down it plummeted to the floor breaking off the front of it. Immediately she came to me and said she was sorry. I didn’t get upset even though I could have. I just said put it on the desk it’s not a big deal lets load up and go to school.
Later that evening after work, we went straight to little sister’s t-ball game, came home to make dinner, work livestock and I want to say we were done about 8 O’clock. After a heavy load at work, busy evening and pushing bedtime I was completely spent. I walked past the desk and saw where my daughter had placed the broken horse.
I thought gosh, that’s how my heart feels right now just like this. Even though it was a simple accident, it just feels broken by her.
That’s when I felt the Holy Spirit whispering to my heart. “Jamie, there’s been so many times you’ve broken my heart too. Sometimes by accident like the horse statue, but I’ve been patient with you. You need to be patient with her too. She’ll heal. As will you. Let me carry the pieces for you until that time comes.”
Right after, my daughter came up to me crying because she felt bad about it. I reassured her it wasn’t a big deal. The emotional moment ended up leading into some other tough conversations we needed to have for about a half hour. I don’t feel we are where we need to be but it’s definitely a start. So, I’ll take that for now.
Raising kids is so hard. Mom or dad if you’re struggling, just know you’re not alone. God hears your prayers and He sees your tears. Hang in there and know you’re not alone. It may not be ok right now but storms pass as will whatever you’re facing right now.
